LAKEWOOD, Ohio — So I just checked Twitter and confirmed that we are all still in the throes of a horrific global pandemic and that’s obviously not great. But in my ongoing attempt to stay optimistic through this, I’ve been considering some of the positive affects of this situation.
After all, major crises often lead to positive advancements in culture and technology. World War II, for example, helped women move into the workplace, created the baby boom, and spurred the invention of the jet engine, freeze dried coffee, and Krazy Glue.
That is some strong glue.
This pandemic has already had its own share of societal benefits and I thought it might be helpful for us to focus on some of those bright sides right now:
BRIGHT SIDE: Less social pressure to attend tedious events
We all currently have a perfectly valid excuse not to attend tiresome, weekend afternoon-killing events like baby showers, children’s birthday parties and the like, all of which I find terrible.
BRIGHT SIDE: Our yards look amazing right now
People in my neighborhood have been so bored while sequestered at home that we’ve all been landscaping our properties as if we’re prepping to host the Masters Tournament next month. The guy two doors down from me just put in a coy pond with a water wheel, so now I have to figure out how to beat that.
BRIGHT SIDE: Close-talkers are thwarted
Remember life before all this social distancing when certain people would get right up in your grill to talk at you with no regard for your personal space. Just the worst. Well now you have a perfectly good excuse to not let that guy near you, and you can take extra joy in knowing how sad that probably makes him.
BRIGHT SIDE: The hot new hand washing trend
It turns out that folks apparently weren’t washing their hands before this, possibly including the people who have been preparing our food. Which isn’t great, but better late than never I guess.
BRIGHT SIDE: Relationship clarification
Nothing speeds up the life cycle of a romantic relationship like having to spend an intense amount of time in an enclosed space with them. We’ve all been in a partnership at some point that we clearly know is doomed only to have it drag on forever for various reasons. Well, there’s nothing like being locked down with someone for three straight months and realizing how loudly they chew their food to help expedite that process.
BRIGHT SIDE: Good math
Average cost of a vodka martini crafted at a fancy bar? $14.
Average cost of a vodka martini crafted on my kitchen counter? $2.25
BRIGHT SIDE: Throwback hair
The inability to go out and get haircuts allowed many Americans the opportunity to revisit the once-popular Mullet hairstyle to make sure we did the right thing by abandoning it. As it turns out, we definitely did.
BRIGHT SIDE: All Mumford And Sons shows are currently cancelled
I don't like Mumford And Sons; that’s a personal choice. You can pick your own artist that you’re glad isn’t playing to make the bright side work for you.
BRIGHT SIDE: No country line dancing
Country line dancing is a total, high-contact get farm right now and I personally believe that we should probably never let it happen again just to be totally safe.
So there you have it, a healthy dose of Pandemic Silver Linings. And just in case you’re still feeling bummed out after that, just check out this footage above of animals from different species who somehow get along. If that didn’t work, I’m out of ideas and you are made of stone.
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