CLEVELAND — In case you haven't noticed, we are currently in a bit of a chilly spell brought on by a Polar Vortex, which sounds like a Mountain Dew flavor that is only available at Taco Bell for a limited time. What it really is, is a cluster of cold air that periodically wanders down from the North Pole to make all of our lives cold and difficult for a while.
Fortunately, I’m certain we must be through the worst of it by now and things should probably be warming up soon, in fact, let’s just take a quick look at the forecast...
Nevermind, forget everything I just said. It looks like the cold might stick around for a bit.
That’s okay, we’ll get through it. I know it seems grim right now folks, so I thought I might try to lift some spirits by sharing with you a few POSITIVE things about living through a February cold snap in Northeast Ohio!
Just a heads up, some of these are admittedly a bit of a reach but I’m trying my best here.
EXTRA FREEZER SPACE:
I don’t know about you folks but I am forever running out of room in the ol’ icebox, but not during periods of intense, miserable cold when the whole world becomes your meat locker. Goodbye frozen food storage woes!
Dressing fashionably can be time-consuming and stressful whereas dressing purely for survival removes much of that pressure.
We’re all so bundled up that it’s hard to even guess someone’s sex out there right now let alone judge their fashion sense. You do you!
Feel free to leave your doors unlocked and your cars running in the driveway because studies show that cold weather tends to cause an across-the-board decrease in most types of crime because even CROOKS don’t want to be out in this mess.
Congrats there, Sneezy. The pollen count is virtually nonexistent in this weather because even POLLEN doesn’t want to be out in this mess.
TOO DANGEROUS TO JOG
Look, we’d all love to get out there and start finally making good on our New Year’s resolution to get in shape, but let’s face it, running’s not even an option right now. It’s not just cold, it’s dangerous! Better to play it safe by taking this time to instead rewatch all 8 seasons of Game of Thrones while eating ice cream from your window freezer.
IMPROVED BRAIN FUNCTION
Scientists say that cold weather may boost brain activity, but frankly, I feel like if that were true we’d all be smart enough to have found a way by now to leave town from January through March.
ONLY 56 DAYS UNTIL THE INDIANS HOME OPENER
Now this one is real. Thinking about how baseball is right around the corner is even MORE uplifting if you can avoid remembering that currently, your average Famous Footwear outlet store has a higher annual payroll than our baseball team.
INCREASED LIFE EXPECTANCY
Some studies suggest that living in a colder climate may actually increase our longevity. And just think, if that’s true it means we might get to experience a couple of bonus winters like this one that we otherwise may not have lived long enough to be forced to endure. So…even more of this! Huzzah!
Hope that helped everyone. This is Mike Polk de-thawing Northeast Ohio Hearts for 3News!
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